As I wrote a few days ago, many years ago I decided to try to follow a spiritual path, but in my early days I could not get anything and therefore constantly started and abandoned.
- One day I thought I could not follow any spiritual path, for my many defects, then I made a list of those so many, because...
- I easily get angry when things got tough ...
- I had learned to be competitive and I focused more on beating others on the way, than really look for beating myself.
- I Appreciated too my belongings even think to let go of the need for them.
- I could not see all those around me as brothers of my way, because always to soon I had my finger pointing to errors or other defects.
- I could not reach out selflessly...
- I could not forgive those who had hurt me ...
- I could not even think without thinking 10 seconds on an unstoppable carousel of ideas and memories ...
- Also because I was not able to do my spiritual task every day, then I had to force myself to do so, was it my way?
- Also, I would never will be pure enough to conduct this way ...
- That long list could go on writing ... however, in spite of everything written ... Returned exactly why, why I insisted on following a spiritual path ?
However, there was something true... that I did not try to give a sanctified image of myself to others ... never in my life I care very much on what people thought about me ... And then, if so flawed why then had attracted me so much to try, even for wrong ways? ...
Was I afraid of me? ... I did not care to think of me, but if I judged myself very hard. And so the relentless inner judge criticized me for my flaws and prevented me from moving forward... there wasn't fault of others...
And then when my appeal to that court was ... but well, I look because it makes me feel better ... because when I try it gives me peace and sometimes in that silence I can understand mistakes and correct, not always on time but at least correct my path each day.
We are human and therefore we make mistakes, mistakes always teach, of course sometimes with pain, but at least you learn, and if not then the error is repeated until learned ...
And well over many years and many mistakes and setbacks, I can not say how much I progressed in my spiritual path, but yes, I can remember my personal past, I can tell to the terrible judge that there is in my mind and I can show, that I'm better, and that by constant work, perhaps not every day in all these years, but at least many days on...
Even today I struggle with myself for getting better, and this must be in my opinion my first and great spiritual attainment, be better, and as much as enough to make a simple comparison with myself that 10 years ago or however long it is and see me sincerely ... more ... yes! , Thank God ... better!.
And so when I realized this truth, I stopped worrying about goals that others once talked to me and seemed so unattainable that ... were precisely those which held the terrible judge on who I was so scared ...
When my goal became to be better than myself, then, from there my spiritual path became less arid, began to be a really way up, free of judges, free of comparisons, free of unreachable goals.
Paradoxically, when the road is humble, and also continuous over time, without being harassed by one day fail, then other goals as well be overcome without complexes, without needs.
Dear readers I hope this words helps especially for not to think that nobody is denied to follow a spiritual path and that the best reward you surelly achieve is to feel in peace with yourself.
A hug for everyone, Paul Barbé
