My slow path in the spiral to the light

Over many years I realized that my life's path is unpredictable, I have lived worried about things that never happened, I lived thinking about achieving goals, situations, goals, targets, in fact spending my time and even today they never be performed... months or years later, in a quiet moment, I realized that in fact most of what was not met ... they agreed to the wishes of my mind, who's living constantly jumping, resembled what he wanted in my heart, but superficially. But the times that I managed my inner peace I agreed that those desires were not according to my soul. So I asked myself many times ... Why is it so difficult to be clear that is what my soul desires, so as not to waste neither my time nor my energy?


The mystery of my way has always been a relatively undefined, impossible to catch, because the tough times ...  they are still sought, then after a time I realized that the mistakes that led to those trips they were because I refused to accept those mistakes, and from there ended up being the result expected.
But ¿what I should do to clear where to walk if I could not understand? understand myself, ¿how can I not feel lost? ...
I remember me praying for weeks to God for guidance to be clear about the way ... and not getting aid ... so, ¿What to do? At least, for that problem if I found the answer, ¿do I know myself what I wanted?, ¿Should I stay well clear where I wanted to get and why?
So, over the time I learned to monitor my moods, and a useful way I found is this: if I'm going through a stage in my life when I'm unhappy but looking around me everything seems fine ... If I only plan on finding an easier path ... Or put another way, if I can not thank for everything I have and I have accomplished... then where is the problem? ... lack of inner harmony. The famous triangle: mind, feelings and soul, are in conflict.
I know, I have always been difficult to understand well what is the path that my soul desires to continue, well then ..., how to solve this problem is to be attentive to this state of inexplicable discomfort ...
If the horizon toward which I walk does not make me feel good, it's time to stop, and strive to find whatever it is, tp get peace in my mind to understand why I am upset. Because it's easier to understand what is wrong and then correct the course to disengage from that discomfort. And if the way to unhook from this discomfort leads to a course that clearly deviates from that goal I wanted to achieve, then it is time to seek not a moment, but consider a few days of reflection since the goal was wrong.
Ie I have the patience to find out where I want to go at any time.
People say: "if you know where to go, you will arrive sooner or later." But the point is not that, ¿Does it make sense to strive to reach a beach... if you do not want to put my feet in the water?, 


¿Have perhaps sense to make an big effort to climb a mountain if I feel uncomfortable with the wind? I have seen many people who know their way, but both give up the effort to follow, that it seems to have forgotten, or have convinced themselves that are invalid in the spiritual plane. It reminds me of 
many nightmares I've had in which want to walk and my legs weighed tons.
I wonder ... ¿why lose hope to get there, why so scared?, ¿Why so many fears, so many ties? If my present don't feel right, why stick with it?, Fear of losing what?, what you not accept... and live whishing something else?
The self-compliance and false convictions are a very heavy burden to carry on your back for the rest of life ... Is of no use to lie to yourself, say "I know nothing, an rather I don't want to know anything ... because it's easier" . If there is something rather absurd is playing solitaire and become trap.
If I am unhappy with my life from yesterday and today, it is clear that I will arrive tomorrow, if I know what I'm getting, is a powerful torture to myself tie my feet and very vain implore God to untie me.
Now if the reason for discouragement is because I want my results tomorrow, then things go wrong in the head ... once I wrote, "everything is easy to reach at the end not worth it, or rather it's worth not reached "
I always try to remember phrases, parables and famous stories. In this case, I can compare the spiritual walk of life, to that old story of the race of the hare and the tortoise ... Not by a long run is reached first, the speed does not matter if you do not know the course.
So when nothing is clear to me, I try to control my anxiety not to despair for not moving, then moving may aimlessly, ending up back at the same place where I am now standing.
When I look without looking ... only to find, I depend on what I find and therefore only by fortune, that almost never be conducive to spiritual growth but rather a new learning experience, I'll be somewhere and I may have to go back.
My first steps to learn on my spiritual path was a path to my basic self, to give meaning to my search. Learn how to improve my routes that take me to meetings with other walkers and try to understand at every moment the whole environment of the situations, people present, trying to see where they go and how it relates to my own way. Never too late to return to find oneself.
I tasted most of my life long walks, and for quite that as an excuse to use my mind wander while she is distracted by the scenery, I can chat with my soul, with my heart and always on the end has become somewhat clearer in my heart, my feelings are more exposed and therefore I see a light on the way to go...
It's so important to know where to go that it's worth every effort to clarify, to achieve inner harmony that tells us clearly, Yes I want that ... my heart and mind feels happy accepts ... When the goal is clear a felling comes with unmistakable enthusiasm, comes our inner energy that propels us forward.
When we are able to focus internal energy to an object or a horizon, the energy is revalued, rebuilds and gives us more encouragement to continue. If later the energy vanishes, if it appears that there were no reasons for such courage will be attentive to what is opposing us to diminish what displayed. 
Is this objection valid?


A hug to my followers, Paul Barbé